{"id":122,"date":"2013-08-03T16:59:03","date_gmt":"2013-08-03T23:59:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/transitophile.com\/chango\/?p=122"},"modified":"2013-08-06T08:15:21","modified_gmt":"2013-08-06T15:15:21","slug":"a-job-like-hmf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/transitophile.com\/chango\/a-job-like-hmf\/","title":{"rendered":"A Job like HM&F"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve never worked at a place like the HM&F factory brooded about in Brothers of the Milky Way<\/i>, but did once have a job that inspired my description of Hank’s miseries there.<\/p>\n

I was just out of college, a few years younger than the artsy fellow shown with the preposterous old microbus elsewhere on this blog.\u00a0 I had planned and budgeted badly, and found myself on my uppers, with rent due and an empty pantry.\u00a0 My friend Tom said he might be able to talk me into a stint at his cabinetry shop.\u00a0 His boss said yes; I started the next day.<\/p>\n

HM&F is described as pretty villainous, but I feel only sympathy for the fellow who owned this cabinetry shop, even if he might have come close to costing me a few fingers.\u00a0 I’ll call him Mike.\u00a0 Mike was no older than thirty, an honest, unassuming, high school educated carpenter who had figured out that he could make money selling cabinetry to Bay Area retailers, and eventually required assistants to keep up with orders.\u00a0 Abracadabra: a business was born.\u00a0 Mike had some things to learn about workplace safety, but the labor was honest, and he created employment as he earned his keep.<\/p>\n

Alas, like Hank — in this case, precisely like Hank — I wasn’t no William Woodworker.\u00a0 My friend Tom might have enjoyed his days at the shop, but Tom was a real carpenter.\u00a0 I wasn’t.\u00a0 I couldn’t be assigned to pleasurable tasks requiring skills I didn’t have.\u00a0 All that was left for me was the sanding room.<\/p>\n

I will quote Hank: man, was that bad.\u00a0 Man.<\/p>\n

It didn’t seem that it would be that way when I walked in.\u00a0 I remember a broad table, a hefty shop light overhead, and the face mask I wore, so I would not baste my\u00a0 lungs with lumber particles.\u00a0 The work was simplicity itself.\u00a0 I wrestled pieces of varying dimensions on the table, bore down on them with a hand-held electric sander, sanded the heck out of them.\u00a0 I probably paused occasionally to load the device with sanding sheets of different grit, or roughness.\u00a0 Easy stuff.\u00a0 Lassie could have managed it with her forepaws.\u00a0 Maybe even Mr. Ed.<\/p>\n

How monotonous and exhausting it was!\u00a0 I had done other repetitive, tedious tasks, but always had been able to set aside a vital fraction of my cerebral lobes for daydreams, and thus could while away the hours without suffering.\u00a0 I couldn’t in that sanding room.\u00a0 I don’t remember why not; Carter will still president then, I think; it was too long ago.\u00a0 I remember only how interminable the hours became, how desolately I pleaded with seconds and minutes to scurry past to morning break!!!<\/strong><\/span> lunch!!!<\/span> relief!!!<\/span><\/em>, and how the seconds and minutes cruelly refused, instead dug in their chronological heels and waddled like drunken old tortoises around the clock face.<\/p>\n

Never before or since has time passed so lethargically.\u00a0 I would pant through my face mask as I hustled around a block of wood, and order myself to stop sneaking glances at the clock.\u00a0 Perhaps the minute and second hands would unstick and resume their usual canter if I just stopped staring so hard.<\/p>\n

That didn’t work.\u00a0 I grit figurative teeth, tried harder, made a humorless game of it.\u00a0 Don’t look at the clock.\u00a0 Don’t look!<\/i><\/p>\n

One morning I kept my eyes off the dial on the wall for what had<\/span> to be an hour, simply had<\/span> to be, as I wielded the sander and puffed through the mask and hoisted one wood piece after another on the table.<\/p>\n

Finally I permitted myself a glance.\u00a0 At least<\/span> an hour had gone by; I knew that.\u00a0 At least. I had to look now, didn’t I?\u00a0 Wasn’t it almost time for lunch?<\/p>\n

More than thirty-five years later, I can still taste the bewilderment and despair I felt in that moment when I raised my eyes to the clock.<\/p>\n

It hadn’t been an hour.<\/p>\n

I had used up only fifteen minutes.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

After the first day, I headed straight home, staggered to bed and slept for at least twelve hours.\u00a0 Maybe fourteen.\u00a0 I soon became a little better acclimated to the work, but was always exhausted when I left, and in this exhaustion felt defeated, beaten.\u00a0 I wanted to write every day back then, in my literary twenties, but quickly gave up any fantasy of that while I worked in the sanding room.\u00a0 If I had been more practically ambitious, I would have required someone to hold a twelve gauge on me to get me to wash up and drag myself to an evening college course.\u00a0 I looked with new sympathy at the laborers I saw after work in neighborhood supermarkets.\u00a0 I finally understood why they looked so gray and grimy and half-asleep.\u00a0 That was how I looked now, too.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

One morning after about two weeks of this, Mike took me aside when I arrived for work.\u00a0 He had a new job for me.<\/p>\n

Mike wanted me to spend the day with the table saw.<\/p>\n

\"Table<\/a>
Table saw photo by Patrick Fitzgerald<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I have scoured Flickr for a Creative Commons-licensed photo of a table saw, as I am too lazy to dust off my camera to take my own.\u00a0 (Thank you, Patrick Fitzgerald, whoever you are; an excellent shot.)\u00a0 The table saw shown is much newer than the rickety old monster that stood imperiously by itself near one of the shop doors.\u00a0 The blade, however, was similar.<\/p>\n

Admire that blade for a moment, gentle reader.\u00a0 A big<\/span> mother, isn’t it?\u00a0 Sharp, too.<\/p>\n

Imagine that blade at speed.<\/p>\n

What do you think that blade would do to your finger, if your finger were to get in its way?\u00a0 Would the blade politely stop in its mad spinning, do you think, so your finger wouldn’t get a nasty ouchie-wouchie?\u00a0 Or would it lop off your finger like a match stick, and render you newly finger-less?<\/p>\n

If you think it would politely stop, please take a moment to scan one or both of the articles below.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.popularmechanics.com\/home\/reviews\/power-tools\/4286772<\/a><\/p>\n

http:\/\/sawaccidents.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n

“We’ve got a pile of wood that needs to get cut,” Mike said.\u00a0 “This should keep you busy all day.”<\/p>\n

Mike flicked the ‘on’ switch.\u00a0 The monster sprang to life.\u00a0 WHIRRRRR.\u00a0 HUMMMMMMMM.<\/p>\n

Mike fetched a piece of wood to demonstrate the saw’s operation.<\/p>\n

I stared at the blade.<\/p>\n

I am writing this post in my late fifties.\u00a0 On the keyboard beneath the screen are all ten of the digits I sprang from the womb with.\u00a0 My socks might smell a bit, but there are ten toes in them.\u00a0 I am grateful to still have both legs, both arms, both ears.\u00a0 I believe that all of us flower into maturity with an inheritance of survival instincts passed on from late, great ancestors.\u00a0 My portion of survival instincts had generally served me well.<\/p>\n

They were about to serve me well again.\u00a0 As one, in a chorus, the ancient Russkies and Krauts and Limeys and Scots who had contributed DNA to my chromosomal\u00a0bouillabaisse arose from their fourth dimensional graves, and bade me in unison:<\/p>\n

PAY ATTENTION TO THAT SAW, TIM.\u00a0 TIME TO WAKE UP. BUDDY.\u00a0 TIME TO WAKE UP FAST.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

“Isn’t there supposed to be a guard for the blade?” I asked.<\/p>\n

I tried to sound only idly curious.\u00a0 Men much my junior also try to sound idly curious when asking Sports Illustrated<\/em> swimsuit models if they are free for coffee, or if they have boyfriends.\u00a0 They’re not idly curious.\u00a0 Neither was I.<\/p>\n

“Well, no.\u00a0 Sorry.” Mike looked self-conscious.\u00a0 “If you’re worried about your fingers, you can push it through with a push stick.”<\/p>\n

Mike demonstrated, using a short piece of wood scrap to nimbly guide a 2 x 4 through the viciously spinning blade.\u00a0 (Yes, for you carpenters: a dinky wood scrap.\u00a0 Not a proper push stick or push pad.)\u00a0 He was a thoroughly experienced wood worker, had probably spent nearly every work day in the shop for the past ten years.<\/p>\n

HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING, TIM<\/span><\/strong><\/em>, hollered my Russian and Teutonic and British ancestors.\u00a0 YOU DON’T.\u00a0 PAY ATTENTION TO THAT SAW, TIM.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

“You’ve got to be careful with her, though,” Mike said.\u00a0 “If you don’t feed the wood through right, she’ll kick it back at you.”<\/p>\n

She’ll kick it back<\/i><\/strong> at you.\u00a0 I quickly sought an amplification of this advisory, with no more pretense of idle interest.\u00a0 Mike explained that the table saw was old and in less than ideal repair.\u00a0 If unhappy with how it received a piece of wood, it might “kick” that wood back at the woodworker.\u00a0 Hard.\u00a0 Fast.\u00a0 Imagine a newly-wed ingenue with Gloria Allred on the speed dial before the honeymoon starts.<\/p>\n

“Does it do that often?”<\/p>\n

Mike looked self-conscious again.\u00a0 I thought he avoided my eyes.<\/p>\n

“Well … it happens.\u00a0 You’ve just got to be ready to duck.”\u00a0 Mike shrugged.\u00a0 “Just stay out of the way of it.”<\/p>\n

TELL THIS GUY WHERE TO STICK HIS TABLE SAW<\/span><\/strong><\/em>, roared my ancestors, and waved their cossack hats and teutonic horned helmets.\u00a0 HIT THE ROAD, TIM.\u00a0 MAKE WITH THE FEET.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Diplomatically, I expressed misgivings.\u00a0 Mike looked apologetic, and said he didn’t have any other work for me.\u00a0 My William Woodworking stint drew to an undignified close.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve never worked at a place like the HM&F factory brooded about in Brothers of the Milky Way, but did once have a job that inspired my description of Hank’s miseries there. I was just out of college, a few years younger than the artsy fellow shown with the preposterous old microbus elsewhere on this… <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[69,15,17,16,19,18],"class_list":["post-122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-brothers-of-the-milky-way","tag-brothers-of-the-milky-way","tag-carpentry","tag-table-saw","tag-woodworking","tag-workplace-accidents","tag-workplace-safety"],"yoast_head":"\nA Job like HM&F - Tim Adams<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/transitophile.com\/chango\/a-job-like-hmf\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Job like HM&F - Tim Adams\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’ve never worked at a place like the HM&F factory brooded about in Brothers of the Milky Way, but did once have a job that inspired my description of Hank’s miseries there. 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